Je me blesse... (part 1)

This piece of fanfiction is partially me dealing with just having lost somebody that meant a lot to me, and partially my obsession with Jena Lee's music. There will be quite a lot french in this fanfiction but my French isn't that well, so please forgive me if it fails. Also I'll put transalations of the french at the end of each part (assuming I'll make this multi-chaptered ofcourse, I don't know that yet) Please enjoy, and feedback would be nice :) - Ruby


'Je pars...' Was all Niall's text message read. Ever since Sean's death the Irish boy hadn't been quite the same. The two words Niall had sent worried Liam more than anything. It reminded him of a music video by Jena Lee Niall kept watching, je me perds the song was called. Liam tried to call Niall but the blonde didn't bother to awnser his phone. Liam let out a deep sigh. If Niall would continue to say things that mattered in French Liam should really work on his French.

Much later...


"Niall where were you?!" Liam quickly asked when his best friend walked in, pulling the slightly younger boy into a tight hug. Niall gave back some kind of half hug and mumbled something about the beach. Liam bit his lip, "Could you write something more than je pars next time?" he softly asked. Niall just shrugged, "mes envies sont noires." he whispered. "What does that even mean?!" Liam asked, he was getting kind of irritated with Niall constant use of French. Niall just smiled darkly at Liam and let himself slide down the wall onto the floor. "You wanna know?" the blonde smirked. "Yes!" Liam said frustrated. "Then you should learn French." Niall laughed amused by himself.
"Honestly Niall, tell me what you feel." Liam pleaded. Niall looked up at Liam, "Mon bonheur a tué une part de moi, mon amour a tué une part de moi. Je me perds, je me blesse. Aide-moi." Niall looked fragile, but also pleased knowing Liam didn't understand what he had said. "I'll ask Harry to transalate." Liam stated. Niall smiled but he didn't really like that thought.

If Liam knew how Niall felt he'd try to help, Niall would have to let people get close to him again and that scared Niall. Niall was so damn scared of losing someone he loved again, like he had lost Sean. He never wanted to go through that same pain again. He feared that if he loved again, he would have to. He didn't dare to do that to himself, he would hurt himself in any other way, but not in that way.

Everybody had always thought Niall and Sean were just bestfriend, but the two Irish lads had been so much more than that. They had loved eachother so much, and Niall still blamed himself for not being able to be there when Sean had needed him the most. Niall regretted ever joining the x-factor, if he hadn't done that things would have turned out so differently. He atleast would've been there, but no Niall was touring while Sean fought cancer. Niall hated himself for that.

At first Sean had been strong enough and had won from the cancer, then it came back, Niall had been there that time and Sean won again. The third time however, Sean lost, Niall had been there but he still blamed himself for everything.

TBC

je me blesse = I am hurting
je pars = I leave
mes envies sont noires = my desires are dark/black.
Mon bonheur a tué une part de moi = My happiness has killed a part of me.
Mon amour a tué une part de moi = My love has killed a part of me.
Je me perds = I am losing myself.
Aide-moi = Help me.